Booty play, or as some more “professional” than myself may call it, anal stimulation, is a taboo topic for many in our culture, even in our sexual culture. Typically, people believe that it is strictly for overly sexual or kinky people or homosexual and bisexual men, but that’s far from the truth. Stimulating the anus during sexual activities is for anyone, no matter your gender or sexual preference, who is looking for another way to experience pleasure, try something new, or have a different type of fun in the bedroom, whether alone or with a partner. Though it is not everyone’s cup of tea, booty play can be an added pleasure for you and/or your partner, and can be done in a variety of ways to suit what you might be comfortable trying and doing regularly.
Why try anal?
Basically everyone has a butt so booty play is one of the few gender neutral forms of sexual pleasure. The pleasure that can ensue from trying anal stimulation is much different than other forms of sexual and sensual pleasure. While it can also lead you to orgasm, the orgasm isn’t like stimulation of other genitalia because of the variety of other nerves being encountered and stimulated. The main nerve that enhances pleasure with booty play is called the pudendal nerve. All genders possess this nerve located at the back of the pelvis and trailing to near the base of the penis or vagina. This nerve provides intense sensations when stimulated and can greatly increase the chance of orgasming for penis owners.
Anal stimulation can entail stimulating the prostate which can feel great for males or people born with male genitalia, and sometimes intersex folks, since their “g-spot” is their prostate. This just means that their prostates have a large bundle of nerves that feel high intensities of pleasure from being stimulated, just as the g-spot on the inner wall of the vagina is for clit owners. The stimulation of the prostate and the pudendal nerve can be done with or without penetration.
How do you get started and what do you use?
When you’re just getting started into booty play, or even getting back into after a long break from it, it’s best to start out slooooooow. No matter who you are and your experience in booty play, alone or with a partner, you should never start with penetration immediately, even (especially) if you are using lube. Trying to start with penetration can cause your inner sphincter to tighten up without you being able to control it to allow it to relax which will then be a lot more painful and feel as though you or your partner are hitting a wall, and if you try to start with penetration using lube, your inner sphincter will think it’s leaking and in turn, tighten up.
Begin with massaging around the outside of the anus using your fingers without lube to allow you or your partner’s anus to relax and become stimulated. Once it seems that the outer and inner sphincters are relaxed (this could take quite a bit of time, but be patient), you can then add lube and try penetration and stimulation using fingers, a tongue, a penis, toys, or even a fist. As I said before, start slow. So, start with a smaller toy or a finger or two because if you try to immediately start with a large toy, a penis, or a fist, an injury is sure to follow.
Make sure to be safe and as clean as possible when doing booty play. Trim your fingernails or make sure your partner has theirs trimmed so that you don’t end up scratching your or their insides. I promise, it’s not something you’re going to want to experience, and it is a definite mood killer. Also, don’t forget to wash your hands thoroughly before starting, especially under your fingernails! Everyone has body hair and pubic hair so it’s not something to be ashamed of or something that has to be completely gone for you and/or your partner to experience pleasure. If you believe it might get in the way, I’d suggest trimming it to make everything much easier for you or the both of you. More often than not, the skin around your anus is naturally darker than the rest of your skin tone, but it’s natural. It’s not something to be ashamed of and it’s completely up to you if you want to bleach it but absolutely not required.
Many people like to douche their anus before doing any kind of booty play but that is yet another thing that is not required, it’s all up to your preference, just make sure to thoroughly clean the area. It is best to take into consideration what you’ve eaten and consumed in the last few days, such as beans, apples, any kind of seeds, bran, etc. Don’t consider these things just because they can make you poop but also foods like seeds can poke and irritate you and whatever might penetrate you or your partner.
Unless you’re exploring on your own or with a committed, monogamous partner, I highly suggest using protection such as a condom or a dental dam to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS and other STIs. The mucous membrane inside the anus is a lot more susceptible to contracting STIs. If you are doing booty play with someone you’re not committed to, make sure to get tested and if you want to help feel even more secure, get your Hepatitis A and B vaccinations to prevent contracting these diseases. Also, to prevent infection, especially UTIs, never go from the anus to the vagina without properly cleaning whatever is being used for anal stimulation and do your best to not mix any lubes used for booty play with vaginal juices.
Supplies needed/suggested
If you want to prevent making a huge mess to be cleaned up and help make the experience of booty play that much more pleasurable for you and/or your partner, here are some supplies that are necessary and/or highly suggested:
Wipes: flushable wipes, baby wipes, etc. Just make sure that they’re safe for your genitalia to prevent infections and irritation
Lube: There isn’t any particular lube that is better than others.* There’s always an exception, right? DO NOT USE NUMBING LUBES. You want to be able to feel all the sensations, pleasure and pain, to know if you need to slow down or even stop before causing any injuries. Have a pump bottle lube which I highly suggest because it makes it a little easier so you have a dirty hand and a clean hand.
Towel: This will help prevent getting lube and other secretions from getting all over your bed or wherever you might be doing booty play.
Toys: Obviously not required but definitely highly recommended to add to the fun and stimulation. I recently got a new toy that I’m beyond excited to try called the “Eclipse Thrusting Rotator 12-function Wristband Remote Control Rechargeable Silicone Probe.” Using silicon or glass toys will ensure ease, comfortability, and pleasure. Always use toys with a beveled end for safety and comfort for all parties involved
Common misconceptions and hesitancies
For many people that haven’t tried booty play, it’s typically from being too much in their heads about it, especially for cis-gendered, heterosexual men. For these folks, they’re hesitant about how it might make them feel, and sometimes believe that if they like anal stimulation then it makes them attracted to men, which is completely wrong. Liking anal stimulation doesn’t change who you’re sexually attracted to, it just adds to your arsenal of pleasure points for yourself and/or a partner. Many women, especially cis-gendered, heterosexual women, also struggle with trying booty play or doing it often because some believe that if their partner likes anal play a lot they may not want to do vaginal stimulation and penetration any more which is yet another myth. No matter your gender or sexuality, there is nothing wrong with wanting to try and regularly do booty play, it’s all up to what you’re comfortable with and want to do.
Talking about anal play with your lover: boundaries and consent
When you are wanting to try booty play with a partner, it is vital to have a conversation about it first. You should address one another’s experience with it and level of comfortability. So, if you or your partner have little to no experience, it will be important to take it even slower and be very supportive for the needs of the person receiving the stimulation. Set boundaries with one another based on what you or they are comfortable with. This will help build trust in the process and in turn improve trust in other sexual experiences as well. Make sure to address safe words. This doesn’t have to be a word that will completely kill the mood and take you and your partner out of the moment but something to easily say in the moment to pause or slow down. Safe words are another trust component in anal stimulation that is important for all parties.
Hey, booty play may not be for everyone but if you’ve ever been curious, why not try it out? You might surprise yourself and end up really enjoying yourself, whether alone or with a partner, and if you don’t like it, you can at least say you’ve tried it and know that you don’t. No matter if you’re solo or with someone(s) else, make sure to start out slow, use utmost safety to prevent injury, and maintain a higher level of cleanliness for all parties. If you want more information or to look more into booty play, reach out to me or check out Sexplanations with Dr. Doe, a sex teacher, counselor, and coach who often addresses different topics in booty play for anyone and everyone.
As always –
Exercise. Meditate. Masturbate.
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