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Real or rebound? How to tell if he’s using you to get over his ex


Real or rebound? How to tell if he’s using you to get over his ex

When it comes to dating, some people dive right back into the dating pool after a breakup. Some are looking for distractions, and some are upfront about it. But beware, because you could be the one they’re trying to use to move on from their past relationship.


No hate to anyone who doesn’t want to be alone or believes that getting under someone is the quickest way to get over someone else. However, if their intentions don’t align with your needs, it’s crucial to set boundaries and ask questions.


In the year of our lord 2023, refuse to be used as a rebound for someone to get over their ex-girlfriend.

So, how do you know if he’s still not over his ex? While some signs may be obvious, there are also subtle warning signs that you should keep an eye out for.


He’s hung up if he...

  • Constantly Talks About His Ex: He may mention his ex frequently, either in a positive or negative light. This could indicate that he is still emotionally attached to her.


  • Compares You to His Ex: He may make comments like “You’re so much better than my ex” or “You’re just like my ex in this way.” While it may seem like a compliment, it could indicate that he is still emotionally invested in his past relationship and is trying to find similarities between you and his ex.


  • Run Hot and Cold: If a guy’s behavior towards you is inconsistent and unpredictable, it could be a sign that he’s using you to fill the void. He may be affectionate and attentive one moment, but distant and uninterested the next. This push-and-pull behavior could indicate that he is still emotionally conflicted and not fully ready for a new relationship.


  • Avoids Commitment: He seems be hesitant to take things to the next level or make future plans with you. He also has yet to introduce you to his friends and family, even after months of dating that seems serious in your book. Both a clear instances that he is not fully invested in the relationship and is holding out.


  • He’s Emotionally Unavailable: If a guy seems emotionally distant or unavailable, and he avoids discussing his feelings or showing vulnerability, he may be unable to fully connect with you on an emotional level because he is – you guessed it – hooked like a fish.


If you notice these signs, it’s important to take action and protect yourself and your heart, especially if you’re ready for a commitment. 


Here’s what you can do

  • Communicate: If you notice any of these signs, have an open and honest conversation with him. Express your concerns and ask him directly about his feelings towards his ex and his intentions with you. Clear communication will help you understand where he stands and whether he is genuinely interested in a relationship with you or not.


  • Set Boundaries: Be firm in expressing your needs and expectations in the relationship or the trajectory of the relationship. If he is not able to meet them or shows reluctance, it may be time to reevaluate and consider moving on.


  • Take Time for Yourself: If you suspect that you are being used as a rebound, prioritize your well-being. Take time for yourself to reflect on your own feelings and emotions. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.


  • Be Patient, But Not Indefinitely: It’s natural to feel empathy and want to support someone who has gone through a difficult breakup, but are you his girlfriend or his rehab center? Remember that you deserve to be seen and loved for who you are, not as a stand-in. Set a timeline for how long you’re willing to wait for him to fully move on. If you notice that he’s not making progress or is still heavily invested in his past relationship, cash in those chips and move on. 


It’s important to be proactive and assertive in setting boundaries and asking questions when you’re dating. Don’t settle for being someone’s rebound or a temporary distraction. Look out for signs that indicate he may still be emotionally attached to his ex. If you notice these signs, remember your worth and what you want. Don’t be afraid to date someone who is truly ready for a committed relationship if that’s what you seek.


Struggling and feeling lost? Or do you think you’re pretty happy but there’s this nagging voice in your head telling you that your relationship could be even better?

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